Here we are again

Well doesn't this all feel familiar. I guess this is the place where I put up pointless resolutions and make promises that I'll only end up not keeping. Say how from here on out I'll write more and finally get over the sadness that's been clinging onto my skin for the past what? 6 years of my life. Yeah i could do that, but then again I would only be lying to myself so whats the point really of any of this?

Well there I go, being all depressed and broody all over again, just like last year. But I've gotten to the point where I'm too worn out and tried to give a damn and I can feel an apathetic nature starting to take over my heart. Hell I'm only 17 so what the hell do I have to be so tired for, i can hear those older then me saying, as if I have no right to be already exhausted from life.

Is it really my fault that my childhood got snatch away from me at a young age? Is it my fault that every adult in my life, people I'm suppose to look up to and honor has abandon me and force the mantle of adulthood upon my shoulders while they flocked away like careless teenagers? I never got to hold on to 16.

God here it comes the big 18, soon I'll be a legal adult and childhood will be gone for good.

I really don't know what to expect next year or that if things will get better; I've been praying for that for years. So I'm just going to try to take each day slowly and fight to get my faith back, fight for my childhood before it finally leaves me.

But...

I'm so tired and all of those things sound so nice but they've been said too many times with no results, with only more disappointment, but if I don't believe I guess that will finally be the end of me. I'll just be another soul barely even existing. God please help me because if i try to do this on my own I'm only going to fail once more.

So here we go again.
'

I have no excuse

Okay so maybe I have a few like school and my AP Exam but other then that nothing. School has past and summer has been going on for almost three weeks now and what do I have to show for it? Absolutely nothing. So I'm sorry for letting my promises down and not keeping up with this blog. I lost faith in myself but I did do one thing with my writing and that is typing up 14 pages of an revised story that I've been working on bit by bit and which hopefully I will have all the old parts of its revised by the ending of the summer.

I'm actually quite proud of myself and what I have gotten done with my story, even if its not really a lot. I had written it when I was in the 7th grade. That was the time in my life when i was basically a writing manic. I think it had something to do with the fact that I was falling for my best friend at the time, and just liking him and finding out that he liked me inspired words from me, but not just words drawing too. Ha ha it's to bad that he broke my heart; but however, at the same time that kind of helped develop my writing too while simultaneously stopping it completely. But such is life.

Revising an old story,okay this is not an easy thing to do especially since the way I write now, and the way i wrote back then stylistically is completely different. But the story had great potentially. Another hard thing about revising a story at least for me is finding the passion you had for it then and keeping it. Not letting it slip through your finger tips while you remember all the reasons why you stopped writing. The plot holes and lack of character development. For now I'm just going to revised what my 13 year old self did write and then just take it from there.

See? I haven't been completely wasting away my summer.