Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Short Story

well.... here you go.

I felt my throat tighten as his body clamped over mine, half protecting half restraining me from escaping his steel strong arms. One of his hands lays firmly over my throat to restrain the screams that have long since died steadily in my dry throat. I'm so scared, so lost in those intense stormy gray eyes that hold my mind and innocent wide eyes captive. He stares intently, as if his lost to everything that has happened, with such familiarity as if he knows me, and than the unbelievable happens, his hands leaves my mouth and are replace with his lips, searching and unsure... gentle before i began to taste the desperation on them. It fills me with even more fear as my body begins to shake under his unreasonably, but he doesn't stop kissing me, if anything it raises the desperation inside him as his lips become rougher on mine, willingly me to kiss him back... and i do wrapping my arms suddenly around him, he hesitates with surprise, but continues on, and I know, this is what his been waiting so long for. I can still hear the bullets, going off around us, but they no longer distract me. This war doest exist anymore, and they pay no attention to the supposedly lovers, lost and tangled into each others arms, filling in their lost moments with kisses and embraces.
"Eve" I hear him whisper in my ears. Is that my name? I cannot remember, and if I'm Eve... is he Adam? Was it our love that brought the destruction of this world, this Eden? I try to struggle under him but his arms just tighten around me, as his eyes began to search my face.
"please" he whispers , rubbing his forehead against mind, releasing one arm from around my waist to caress my face. His hands wipes away the moisture that had been collecting in my eyes,... was i crying? I felt so overwhelmed with emotion so new to me as the realization hits me, as the memories which my subconscious has fought so long and hard to bury back, comes rushing out... as i realize what we have done, what our love has cause. I was his Eve, and he was my Adam and it was our love that brings destruction to this world. That is why we remain untouched by the bullets showering around us. I see the gun laying a few inches away from us... the gun i had tried to kill myself with. I feel the sting of pain from the bump that had come from his body slamming me unrelentingly against the floor. His eyes tell me that he realizes i have recovered the memories which my concussion hid from me. I strain against him, my hand desperately reaching for my only relieve as his arms tighten around me as his tears began to mingle with mine, as i began to scream and claw. He slams his mouth against me, trying to repress them with his kisses, to repress the screams i know his also he also been holding back. I still try to scream at him.
"I LONG TO DIE!" but his gently kisses become rougher.
"stop" he saids trying to be strong for both of us as my sanity began to slip away from me.
"Don't" he says , his voice more forceful and demanding, but he breaks down again in my arms, and whispers me more quietly "Don't leave me." into my hair. My lips quickly find his once again and my arms cling tightly around. He loses himself with my touch, like me, trying to forget every thing that has happens. We are not closer to the gun, closer my reach as my hands grope for it our minds going crazy with grief, with shame that i know will slowly destroy us both. Its now in my hands, its touch freezing, stealing away my warmth. My lips stay press against his distractingly.... so lost.
"I love you" I say quickly, and he responds predictably, that he loves me back. I place the gun behind his head and his eyes widen with surprise but its too late. I pull the trigger quickly screaming "forgive me" all the same, still screaming as his blood splatters against my face, and even so as i pull the trigger against myself.
It was our selfish love
that had destroyed the world.

p.s yes it still needs a lot of editing, but i don't feel like doing that right now. well at least im writing again even if it is mostly crap.

Monday, February 14, 2011


So yeah my fist attempt at writing something happy was kind of a fail. Not because of my lack of skills or ability to accumulate anything with a dose of happiness in it, but its because i didn't estimate the vast amount of homework i would be getting. So I'm sorry for the late update, and all i could pull together at the last minute was of course a cheesy short love scene between to people who don't even have names yet. Which... i honestly i wrote only five minutes ago under a minute, so its cheesy and a huge cliche and i'm sorry for failing my fist project, maybe ill try again when im not drowning in homework.

I casted my doubtful eyes upon him, filled with such wonder and under certainties.

He just laugh at me with those melting intense brown eyes. Challenging more, pushing, and plucking, and probing everything running through my mind with his intuitive gaze.

I didn't know whether i wanted to slap the all knowing gaze from his face or kiss him because he saw deeper inside me, more than anyone had before.

He made the decision for me

closing the physically space between as our mind clashed and slapped against each other. he wrap his arms around me caressing my hair gently

like a leach, his simple touch absorb all the tension out of me, and release all the poisonous thoughts that have ever enter my mind, from my soul.

Monday, February 7, 2011

My bad...

okay so i didn't exactly have the time to write something that expresses my over joyed and happy life, with pockets full of wonderful sunshine. But hey, I'm taking honors and AP classes, and i'm involve with my winter guard, which had a competition all day Saturday, so i didn't have time to get to it. But i promise by Friday of this week i will have written something obtaining one ounce of happiness. Who knows maybe i might even achieve a pound. But i think setting up little independent projects like these will be good for my writing, especially if i actually do them. Maybe ill challenge myself once a month with a new style of writing, doing something that is usually out of my comfort zone, like writing something that for once, isn't terribly depressing.


this sounds like a pretty good idea. ha ha at least this blog will finally have a concrete purpose. Actually i think I'm really going to do this. At least once a month, challenge myself to improve my writing, or, to state it flatly, get myself out of this horrible rut I've been digging into for the past two years. Wow for once i feel like my insignificant life has some sort of purpose, even if it is a self serving one.

Friday, February 4, 2011

running away from the darkness

i beginning to believe nothing i ever write, will ever obtain one ounce of happiness. Even before my moms death, and my own downfall my writing was still dark. Its what i know i guess, darkness. Because no matter what im feeling, everything i write down creatively is usual dark or depressing.

So today i had a mental break down which i know probably is exactly surprising if you can tell by my previous messed up blogs. All that are, of course depressing. I ended up writing a poem, before i completely lost it.

for now its untitled

My soul is slowly dying
trapped in a decrepit shell
which everything is wasted
and all potential is lost

that girl
with such dark passions
is dead
caught up in the flame which
she created
destroyed by the ones
that her damage heart
embrace the most


damning herself to a life
of loneliness, hate
watch her die , vanishing before your eyes
her lying smile
her fake facade
i am not okay
but you cant
save me

so yeah its the first poem that i have written for myself in a long time and its of course a sad one created by my own tears. I had to always write a conceit poem for Lit. which is basically a long metaphor that last throughout the poem. so yeah here you go...

Worn Fabric

My life is nothing more but a faded canvas
of stained cloth. Created and born out of such
a sweet tender material
only to be flung about, torn, and forgotten.
my once vibrant quilt possessing stories
of such hope filled dreams only to be abashed
by the strains of this world

i was your protection from the harshness
of this sick reality. shielding your body
against my own like a cloak
as the rain thundered around us
i kept you warn and safe
you cast me off into the soft damp earth
and left me their to sink into the ground
like a decrepit corpse

drowning me in your sorrows
staining me with your tears as i encompass you
with my soft embrace
wrapping you in my weak limp arms
as you forgot me
I am nothing more
but worn out fabric
that had seen
and brighter days

yeah, i think you get what i'm talking about. I received a challenge today.
I have to write a happy poem and turn it in Monday. So Monday night i will have it posted up here. This could a awesome or either a complete disaster. Oh well i guess we will just have to wait and find out.