The Ruins

It sad how petty little arguments can taint a memory

There is this movie out in selected movie theaters called the 5th Quater
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqqtY6Q7v4Y&feature=player_embedded

and its base on something that happen at our school. An student name Luke, got in an accident. He played on our football team, and he was the first and only person in the history of our school to have not died being on drugs or drunk driving. In fact he had tried to get out of the car once he realize that his driver was actually reckless behind the wheel. It is because of this every football game we hold out the number 5 on our fingers, to represent and respect his death.

To be honest when i first saw the trailer of this movie, i had no idea it was talking about what happen at our school. The story did sound awfully remember but it happened when i was eleven and still in elementary school. So i didn't realize this movie was in commemoration of our Luke until i watch the trailer and i saw the distinctive "Hoya" uniform. Immediately i felt more emotional attached to the movie, i don't know why i just... did.

Well a fellow classmate in my grade posted the trailer up on Facebook, saying how happy he was the movie was finally out. Someone a grade bellow us commented on how stupid the movie look, and as you can imagine immediately emotions went high. One of my friends who i do colorguard with, reputed on how dis-respectable the comment was and the person who posted the video jumped on him with her. Of course i was stupid and posted on how i love her because what she said was true and honest. and to be truthful she basically shut him down with her comment.

But long and behold someone else joined in saying how we were all being bias and we weren't there when it happen so we shouldn't act like we fit into that little group. Not being exactly one to take comments like this well i immediately fell on the defenses saying how i wasn't acting like i was nor did i even knew him personally myself. It was a argument about respecting what the movie represented not an collectivist grief. But apparently thats how the kid interpreted this discussion. And it continue to escalate.

The poster of the trailer started to get into an argument with the commenter saying how just because he wasn't at the school doesn't mean he wasn't effected by what happen. He got counter by him saying how eleven year older wouldn't be able to comprehend death. Well i lost my mom when i was eleven so i told him that and said it was possible for someone that young to be able to understand the weight of death. He answered back with only the word "irrelevant" and than said how i was using my mom's death to make him for sorry for me... Yeah that definitely set me on the edge because i would never use her death as a tool to win in some pointless argument.

I almost cussed him out right than in there when i realize something. This whole petty conversation was ruining his memory. and honestly if a bunch of kids who wasn't close to my family at all started to argue over a commemoration of my mom it would piss me off. We were all too quick to jump on each other. I started trying to cool down the conversation saying how petty it was but it still kept going. The commenter just wouldn't let it go. And i understand where he was coming from but still the way he treated the situation was so immature. Even his last comment was arrogant.

Luke, im sorry i help taint your memory.

The End

The end of something.

Saying good bye and actually letting go of the past, of those mixed feelings that leave you feeling so F'd up inside.

Acceptance and conclusions that take forever to accompanied those bittersweet endings.

Painful engulfing memories which every good moment hurts even more than the bad ones.

But even worse, looking back then, and now at yourself and realizing all the potential lost there.

The broken dreams and naive wishes that keep us alive

realization that you have long since stopped believing in happy endings.

These are the thoughts that run constantly in my head. I am already thinking about the ending before my life has even begun to start. But i feel so trapped. I'm scared like a lost little girl running around the labyrinth, unable to find the center, the relieve and conclusion of everything. Theres only one path, yet i keep on screwing it up. I can't save myself. I'm just not that strong

not anymore anyways.