running away from the darkness

i beginning to believe nothing i ever write, will ever obtain one ounce of happiness. Even before my moms death, and my own downfall my writing was still dark. Its what i know i guess, darkness. Because no matter what im feeling, everything i write down creatively is usual dark or depressing.

So today i had a mental break down which i know probably is exactly surprising if you can tell by my previous messed up blogs. All that are, of course depressing. I ended up writing a poem, before i completely lost it.

for now its untitled


My soul is slowly dying
trapped in a decrepit shell
which everything is wasted
and all potential is lost

that girl
with such dark passions
is dead
caught up in the flame which
she created
destroyed by the ones
that her damage heart
embrace the most

abandon

damning herself to a life
of loneliness, hate
envy
watch her die , vanishing before your eyes
her lying smile
her fake facade
i am not okay
but you cant
save me

so yeah its the first poem that i have written for myself in a long time and its of course a sad one created by my own tears. I had to always write a conceit poem for Lit. which is basically a long metaphor that last throughout the poem. so yeah here you go...

Worn Fabric

My life is nothing more but a faded canvas
of stained cloth. Created and born out of such
a sweet tender material
only to be flung about, torn, and forgotten.
my once vibrant quilt possessing stories
of such hope filled dreams only to be abashed
by the strains of this world

i was your protection from the harshness
of this sick reality. shielding your body
against my own like a cloak
as the rain thundered around us
i kept you warn and safe
you cast me off into the soft damp earth
and left me their to sink into the ground
like a decrepit corpse

drowning me in your sorrows
staining me with your tears as i encompass you
with my soft embrace
wrapping you in my weak limp arms
as you forgot me
I am nothing more
but worn out fabric
that had seen
better
and brighter days

yeah, i think you get what i'm talking about. I received a challenge today.
I have to write a happy poem and turn it in Monday. So Monday night i will have it posted up here. This could a awesome or either a complete disaster. Oh well i guess we will just have to wait and find out.