What 5 websites do you visit often, and why?
1.youtube for movies, anime, music, and web shows like BlackBoxTv
2.facebook because i don't have a phone and its my only means of communication
3.google to obvious to explain
4.yahoo, i check my email everyday
5. And my school website, because i can go online and see my grades there.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
The Project Day One
Everyday, and once a day im going to be doing these writing prompts to Journals. I feel like i should get into the habit of writing again before i attempt to do the creative writing essays so yeah. And yes i know it wasn't even an hour ago when i posted my update saying how i was going to start Friday, but i feel like it will be easy to squeeze in. There are about 80, so im going to start off doing one day, and when i get more comfortable or confident with my writing ill probably start doing more then one. so yeah here you go.
#1 Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced.
Well i can't really think of a tangible item so I'm just going to use a person. I lost my mom when I was eleven. In 12 days it will be the 5th year of her death so I have that to look forward too.
It was the perfect day, or at least close to it. The sun shined brightly in a cloudless sky, kissing my skin with its heat rays, its temperature not baking me slowly under the may sky. I was in the 5th grade and I had just gotten my CRCT scores but, and as it turned out I had the highest reading score in my class. This was more than just a accomplishment, this was a great achievement for me. I grew up struggling. Thats what I always have been and probably always be, a struggler. But i don't just struggle, I fight, and bust my ass off. Drive? I have that by the crap load because i refuse to be stopped or to give up and I will keep on trying until I get it.
So, because of my bad motor skills and among other disabilities, I was in special education. Don't get me wrong, I was in regular classes its just, I always got that little extra help. Everybody was so freaked out about me getting into high school and middle school struggling. But my she knew, she knew I would be more than alright, I would be amazing. So when I got my CRCT scores May 15, 2006, i also got cake, a banner, and balloons along with it. My mom knew her child would kicked ass when it came to school, and she was right, and she was so proud.
Along with that great moment my brother had previously that weekend won his basketball tournament for mothers day, something my mom was still smiling about. It was the perfect gift he could have given her, along with my awesome CRCT that went above anyones expectations and beat the odds.
Well after gorging ourselves on cake, my mom left along with my dad to go to my church for vacation bible school. My dad is a pastor, and my mom was heavily involved in our church, always trying to find ways to make things better. While she was driving down there she was talking on the phone with her boss, while my dad was driving talking on the phone beside her. She had just gotten an promotion for her job and then.... she died in a car accident. But she died really happy.
Thats one thing I have lost, and i can never replace. My mom, who believed and rooted me on. My guardian angel, my best friend.
So yeah this journal was very lengthy but hey thats i think is a good thing.
#1 Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced.
Well i can't really think of a tangible item so I'm just going to use a person. I lost my mom when I was eleven. In 12 days it will be the 5th year of her death so I have that to look forward too.
It was the perfect day, or at least close to it. The sun shined brightly in a cloudless sky, kissing my skin with its heat rays, its temperature not baking me slowly under the may sky. I was in the 5th grade and I had just gotten my CRCT scores but, and as it turned out I had the highest reading score in my class. This was more than just a accomplishment, this was a great achievement for me. I grew up struggling. Thats what I always have been and probably always be, a struggler. But i don't just struggle, I fight, and bust my ass off. Drive? I have that by the crap load because i refuse to be stopped or to give up and I will keep on trying until I get it.
So, because of my bad motor skills and among other disabilities, I was in special education. Don't get me wrong, I was in regular classes its just, I always got that little extra help. Everybody was so freaked out about me getting into high school and middle school struggling. But my she knew, she knew I would be more than alright, I would be amazing. So when I got my CRCT scores May 15, 2006, i also got cake, a banner, and balloons along with it. My mom knew her child would kicked ass when it came to school, and she was right, and she was so proud.
Along with that great moment my brother had previously that weekend won his basketball tournament for mothers day, something my mom was still smiling about. It was the perfect gift he could have given her, along with my awesome CRCT that went above anyones expectations and beat the odds.
Well after gorging ourselves on cake, my mom left along with my dad to go to my church for vacation bible school. My dad is a pastor, and my mom was heavily involved in our church, always trying to find ways to make things better. While she was driving down there she was talking on the phone with her boss, while my dad was driving talking on the phone beside her. She had just gotten an promotion for her job and then.... she died in a car accident. But she died really happy.
Thats one thing I have lost, and i can never replace. My mom, who believed and rooted me on. My guardian angel, my best friend.
So yeah this journal was very lengthy but hey thats i think is a good thing.
Yay! Update.
I have stumbled upon, the site stumble upon, which is really awesome and you should check out. So while traveling along those mystical webpages of awesomeness i have discovered a few writing activities that can help improve my writing and that i can do on here. So officially after Friday, i will start on that. I wanted to do writing activities and challenges and now i final have a way to do so, so yay! And i will be discipline and punctual and actually do it this time, unlike my last failures. So yeah... lets do this thing.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Yeah I know...
its been awhile but at the same time my life as kind of been hectic this past year with everything going on.
school, winter guard, family...
I feel so insignificant because really theres nothing special or interesting about me
not anymore anyways. I stopped writing, and drawing and dreaming all because of some stupid situation with a boy who broke my heart. What is there left? Am i just some emptying shell floating away lifeless not even truly living while air burst through my lungs.
My beating hollow heart.
Everything about me empty sad
pathetic.
Pathetic because whenever i think i have let go I get slapped in the face by my past because i keep seeking it. Why can't i moved forward with the world pacing around me, advancing while i keep retrogressing.
I miss being a cocky ass hole about everything. People might have hated me for it but wow i felt so untouchable so special and amazing. unique, new. So many naive stupid plans. But than i grew up, and lost that spark. Childhood thoughts and imaginations.
No... its not that, i'm still a kid only how i'm a scared one. Insecure like some preadolescence middle schooler. I mean dear god i'm about to be Seventeen
Isn't this suppose to be my year my shining moment before i fall into the mediocrity of a pathetic sad existence. My color is already fading. I missed my cue my spotlight. Whats a girl to do.
College? I'm taking all these hard class with no direction in my life. No plans or long term goals. Well I'm only seventeen so I'm going to stop being melodramatic.
But for the moment, my life is at a standstill and yeah i know, only i can move it forward but how?
Poem for your thoughts
I met a boy
I found him and then…
He found me
Such eyes full with anger
A heart filling slowly with hate
By each passing day
But… he was merely a boy
Not even 14 but his eyes
His rigid jaw held
The hardness of a man
I wanted to return his innocence
Soften his feature with
My tentative hands
Place a smile on those
Determinedly set lips
Find his happiness
His descending anger
But…
Then he found me
He saw my emptiness
My structure slowly cracking
And grabbed me in his arms
Before my foundations could
Completely shatter
Pinning down my sanity
My life form in his
Understanding embrace
And I fell
Fell away from my
Impending death
And into those dark eyes
But…i fell
And his arms left me
Taking the smile I had
Granted him
And my own happiness
With him.
I fell
Hollowness returning
Shell like heart
Cracking on impact
But… I found him
And he found me.
I met a boy
He saved my life
And then broke
My heart
why am I so pathetic?
school, winter guard, family...
I feel so insignificant because really theres nothing special or interesting about me
not anymore anyways. I stopped writing, and drawing and dreaming all because of some stupid situation with a boy who broke my heart. What is there left? Am i just some emptying shell floating away lifeless not even truly living while air burst through my lungs.
My beating hollow heart.
Everything about me empty sad
pathetic.
Pathetic because whenever i think i have let go I get slapped in the face by my past because i keep seeking it. Why can't i moved forward with the world pacing around me, advancing while i keep retrogressing.
I miss being a cocky ass hole about everything. People might have hated me for it but wow i felt so untouchable so special and amazing. unique, new. So many naive stupid plans. But than i grew up, and lost that spark. Childhood thoughts and imaginations.
No... its not that, i'm still a kid only how i'm a scared one. Insecure like some preadolescence middle schooler. I mean dear god i'm about to be Seventeen
Isn't this suppose to be my year my shining moment before i fall into the mediocrity of a pathetic sad existence. My color is already fading. I missed my cue my spotlight. Whats a girl to do.
College? I'm taking all these hard class with no direction in my life. No plans or long term goals. Well I'm only seventeen so I'm going to stop being melodramatic.
But for the moment, my life is at a standstill and yeah i know, only i can move it forward but how?
Poem for your thoughts
I met a boy
I found him and then…
He found me
Such eyes full with anger
A heart filling slowly with hate
By each passing day
But… he was merely a boy
Not even 14 but his eyes
His rigid jaw held
The hardness of a man
I wanted to return his innocence
Soften his feature with
My tentative hands
Place a smile on those
Determinedly set lips
Find his happiness
His descending anger
But…
Then he found me
He saw my emptiness
My structure slowly cracking
And grabbed me in his arms
Before my foundations could
Completely shatter
Pinning down my sanity
My life form in his
Understanding embrace
And I fell
Fell away from my
Impending death
And into those dark eyes
But…i fell
And his arms left me
Taking the smile I had
Granted him
And my own happiness
With him.
I fell
Hollowness returning
Shell like heart
Cracking on impact
But… I found him
And he found me.
I met a boy
He saved my life
And then broke
My heart
why am I so pathetic?
Sunday, March 13, 2011
The Ruins
It sad how petty little arguments can taint a memory
There is this movie out in selected movie theaters called the 5th Quater
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqqtY6Q7v4Y&feature=player_embedded
and its base on something that happen at our school. An student name Luke, got in an accident. He played on our football team, and he was the first and only person in the history of our school to have not died being on drugs or drunk driving. In fact he had tried to get out of the car once he realize that his driver was actually reckless behind the wheel. It is because of this every football game we hold out the number 5 on our fingers, to represent and respect his death.
To be honest when i first saw the trailer of this movie, i had no idea it was talking about what happen at our school. The story did sound awfully remember but it happened when i was eleven and still in elementary school. So i didn't realize this movie was in commemoration of our Luke until i watch the trailer and i saw the distinctive "Hoya" uniform. Immediately i felt more emotional attached to the movie, i don't know why i just... did.
Well a fellow classmate in my grade posted the trailer up on Facebook, saying how happy he was the movie was finally out. Someone a grade bellow us commented on how stupid the movie look, and as you can imagine immediately emotions went high. One of my friends who i do colorguard with, reputed on how dis-respectable the comment was and the person who posted the video jumped on him with her. Of course i was stupid and posted on how i love her because what she said was true and honest. and to be truthful she basically shut him down with her comment.
But long and behold someone else joined in saying how we were all being bias and we weren't there when it happen so we shouldn't act like we fit into that little group. Not being exactly one to take comments like this well i immediately fell on the defenses saying how i wasn't acting like i was nor did i even knew him personally myself. It was a argument about respecting what the movie represented not an collectivist grief. But apparently thats how the kid interpreted this discussion. And it continue to escalate.
The poster of the trailer started to get into an argument with the commenter saying how just because he wasn't at the school doesn't mean he wasn't effected by what happen. He got counter by him saying how eleven year older wouldn't be able to comprehend death. Well i lost my mom when i was eleven so i told him that and said it was possible for someone that young to be able to understand the weight of death. He answered back with only the word "irrelevant" and than said how i was using my mom's death to make him for sorry for me... Yeah that definitely set me on the edge because i would never use her death as a tool to win in some pointless argument.
I almost cussed him out right than in there when i realize something. This whole petty conversation was ruining his memory. and honestly if a bunch of kids who wasn't close to my family at all started to argue over a commemoration of my mom it would piss me off. We were all too quick to jump on each other. I started trying to cool down the conversation saying how petty it was but it still kept going. The commenter just wouldn't let it go. And i understand where he was coming from but still the way he treated the situation was so immature. Even his last comment was arrogant.
Luke, im sorry i help taint your memory.
There is this movie out in selected movie theaters called the 5th Quater
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqqtY6Q7v4Y&feature=player_embedded
and its base on something that happen at our school. An student name Luke, got in an accident. He played on our football team, and he was the first and only person in the history of our school to have not died being on drugs or drunk driving. In fact he had tried to get out of the car once he realize that his driver was actually reckless behind the wheel. It is because of this every football game we hold out the number 5 on our fingers, to represent and respect his death.
To be honest when i first saw the trailer of this movie, i had no idea it was talking about what happen at our school. The story did sound awfully remember but it happened when i was eleven and still in elementary school. So i didn't realize this movie was in commemoration of our Luke until i watch the trailer and i saw the distinctive "Hoya" uniform. Immediately i felt more emotional attached to the movie, i don't know why i just... did.
Well a fellow classmate in my grade posted the trailer up on Facebook, saying how happy he was the movie was finally out. Someone a grade bellow us commented on how stupid the movie look, and as you can imagine immediately emotions went high. One of my friends who i do colorguard with, reputed on how dis-respectable the comment was and the person who posted the video jumped on him with her. Of course i was stupid and posted on how i love her because what she said was true and honest. and to be truthful she basically shut him down with her comment.
But long and behold someone else joined in saying how we were all being bias and we weren't there when it happen so we shouldn't act like we fit into that little group. Not being exactly one to take comments like this well i immediately fell on the defenses saying how i wasn't acting like i was nor did i even knew him personally myself. It was a argument about respecting what the movie represented not an collectivist grief. But apparently thats how the kid interpreted this discussion. And it continue to escalate.
The poster of the trailer started to get into an argument with the commenter saying how just because he wasn't at the school doesn't mean he wasn't effected by what happen. He got counter by him saying how eleven year older wouldn't be able to comprehend death. Well i lost my mom when i was eleven so i told him that and said it was possible for someone that young to be able to understand the weight of death. He answered back with only the word "irrelevant" and than said how i was using my mom's death to make him for sorry for me... Yeah that definitely set me on the edge because i would never use her death as a tool to win in some pointless argument.
I almost cussed him out right than in there when i realize something. This whole petty conversation was ruining his memory. and honestly if a bunch of kids who wasn't close to my family at all started to argue over a commemoration of my mom it would piss me off. We were all too quick to jump on each other. I started trying to cool down the conversation saying how petty it was but it still kept going. The commenter just wouldn't let it go. And i understand where he was coming from but still the way he treated the situation was so immature. Even his last comment was arrogant.
Luke, im sorry i help taint your memory.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
The End
The end of something.
Saying good bye and actually letting go of the past, of those mixed feelings that leave you feeling so F'd up inside.
Acceptance and conclusions that take forever to accompanied those bittersweet endings.
Painful engulfing memories which every good moment hurts even more than the bad ones.
But even worse, looking back then, and now at yourself and realizing all the potential lost there.
The broken dreams and naive wishes that keep us alive
realization that you have long since stopped believing in happy endings.
These are the thoughts that run constantly in my head. I am already thinking about the ending before my life has even begun to start. But i feel so trapped. I'm scared like a lost little girl running around the labyrinth, unable to find the center, the relieve and conclusion of everything. Theres only one path, yet i keep on screwing it up. I can't save myself. I'm just not that strong
not anymore anyways.
Saying good bye and actually letting go of the past, of those mixed feelings that leave you feeling so F'd up inside.
Acceptance and conclusions that take forever to accompanied those bittersweet endings.
Painful engulfing memories which every good moment hurts even more than the bad ones.
But even worse, looking back then, and now at yourself and realizing all the potential lost there.
The broken dreams and naive wishes that keep us alive
realization that you have long since stopped believing in happy endings.
These are the thoughts that run constantly in my head. I am already thinking about the ending before my life has even begun to start. But i feel so trapped. I'm scared like a lost little girl running around the labyrinth, unable to find the center, the relieve and conclusion of everything. Theres only one path, yet i keep on screwing it up. I can't save myself. I'm just not that strong
not anymore anyways.
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