Disappointment

5 years past, and now it feels like everything is coming into a full circle. The three still standing once again eating McDonalds, fridge empty, pantry empty, sleeping away most of the day staying in bed just to forget about the hunger. But this time there won’t be the nosy, judgmental, generous and considerate cluster of people giving us a month supply of casseroles dishes of frozen lasagna. Instead we receive the judgment, and nosy stares that accompany those who have adulterate and the looks of pity granted to those effect by the selfishness of the adulterer. We stay hungry. The anger doesn't go away instead it just increases with each grumble to my stomach reminding me to do something I have no power of doing. That feeling of powerlessness, but not from God instead from your so called hero, God is perfect, and selfless. He wouldn't leave us with this empty feeling in out stomachs. He wouldn't have caused it. I’m eleven again.

The Project Day One

Everyday, and once a day im going to be doing these writing prompts to Journals. I feel like i should get into the habit of writing again before i attempt to do the creative writing essays so yeah. And yes i know it wasn't even an hour ago when i posted my update saying how i was going to start Friday, but i feel like it will be easy to squeeze in. There are about 80, so im going to start off doing one day, and when i get more comfortable or confident with my writing ill probably start doing more then one. so yeah here you go.

#1 Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced.

Well i can't really think of a tangible item so I'm just going to use a person. I lost my mom when I was eleven. In 12 days it will be the 5th year of her death so I have that to look forward too.
It was the perfect day, or at least close to it. The sun shined brightly in a cloudless sky, kissing my skin with its heat rays, its temperature not baking me slowly under the may sky. I was in the 5th grade and I had just gotten my CRCT scores but, and as it turned out I had the highest reading score in my class. This was more than just a accomplishment, this was a great achievement for me. I grew up struggling. Thats what I always have been and probably always be, a struggler. But i don't just struggle, I fight, and bust my ass off. Drive? I have that by the crap load because i refuse to be stopped or to give up and I will keep on trying until I get it.
So, because of my bad motor skills and among other disabilities, I was in special education. Don't get me wrong, I was in regular classes its just, I always got that little extra help. Everybody was so freaked out about me getting into high school and middle school struggling. But my she knew, she knew I would be more than alright, I would be amazing. So when I got my CRCT scores May 15, 2006, i also got cake, a banner, and balloons along with it. My mom knew her child would kicked ass when it came to school, and she was right, and she was so proud.

Along with that great moment my brother had previously that weekend won his basketball tournament for mothers day, something my mom was still smiling about. It was the perfect gift he could have given her, along with my awesome CRCT that went above anyones expectations and beat the odds.

Well after gorging ourselves on cake, my mom left along with my dad to go to my church for vacation bible school. My dad is a pastor, and my mom was heavily involved in our church, always trying to find ways to make things better. While she was driving down there she was talking on the phone with her boss, while my dad was driving talking on the phone beside her. She had just gotten an promotion for her job and then.... she died in a car accident. But she died really happy.

Thats one thing I have lost, and i can never replace. My mom, who believed and rooted me on. My guardian angel, my best friend.

So yeah this journal was very lengthy but hey thats i think is a good thing.